To have courage, you must also have fear.
I remember the first time my husband asked me to cut his hair. It was a few months into the pandemic and he could no longer stand the multi-month growth. I was terrified. This man, who had to appear on video call after video call for his job, was trusting — or maybe he was resigned to — me operating a buzzing handheld contraption on his head which could lead to who knows what outcome. Perhaps a bald streak in an unfortunate spot, maybe uneven sideburns, or no sideburns at all.
But, he was desperate, and I had access to YouTube, so I watched a video, mustered up all the courage I could find and went at it. He coached me through it, telling me which size guard to use and where, and the hair started to fall. My focus was set, though my hand trembled and my whole body felt tense that I’d mess up. In the end, his hair was cut. It wasn’t barber-level, but it was it’ll-do-level.
And you know what happened next? After a large exhale, I was proud of myself. For tackling something I had never done before. For pushing through something that scared me.
Being daring and trying something new can be a scary thing. It can bring up fears that you tucked safely under your pillow, patiently waiting for the time when you were ready to face them. It can un-shelf insecurities that you’d like to keep hidden from the world. But it can also lead to something so much more rewarding. A sense of accomplishment and strength from walking through those fears and coming out on the other side with courage knowing you can do anything.
If fear is holding you back, here are nine tactics to try.
Identify it. What are you truly afraid of? Rejection? Making a mistake? People seeing you fail? Yep, we are hard-wired to crave acceptance, but when we allow fear of other people’s opinions to hold us back, we are giving them power over our lives that they simply don’t deserve. This is your life, your journey, your dreams. Own them.
Study it. Or as my kids would say: “Search it up!” There are so many resources at our fingertips to learn and educate ourselves about the thing we’re wanting to accomplish. Whether it be talking to a friend who’s been through something similar, reading a book, or watching a how-to video, take some time to see how others tackled the same fear and learn from their experiences.
Plan it. When diving into something that scares you, it’s not often the best idea to just leap. Sometimes taking a moment to consider if you’re properly prepared will help you take that correct first step and prevent you from having to scurry back and begin again. So, make a plan before you jump into action.
Ease into it. Exposure therapy has been shown to be effective in helping people overcome their fears. In its simplest form, it involves slowly, gently and incrementally exposing yourself to the things of which you are afraid. Afraid of public speaking? Contribute something at the next PTA meeting, speak to a group at your local library and slowly begin speaking in front of bigger groups.
Visualize it. There’s something about imagining yourself crossing that finish line, whether literally or figuratively, that can help propel you forward. The miles may be long to get to your goal, but if you can visualize yourself at the end, that may be all you need to get moving.
Consider it. It is often helpful to allow yourself to consider the realistic worst-case scenario. Often, we catastrophize our fears and our what-ifs, blowing the possible downsides out of proportion. What are the realistic risks? Sure, a meteor could wipe us all out tomorrow, but by focusing both on the realistic risks and those that you can control can help keep things in perspective.
Believe it. We’re all about having a positive mindset. If you believe you can do something, chances are that you absolutely can. So, set your mind to believing in yourself.
Depend on it. If you can’t convince yourself to do it for yourself, power through your fear by doing it for others. Oftentimes outside accountability provides just the motivation you need to reach through your fear and find the courage to go on.
Talk through it. If fear is really truly keeping you from doing the things you love and chasing the dreams you want, consider professional therapy. Because this, right now, is your one chance, your one opportunity to chase the life you want and fear should not stand in your way.
I can’t say I’ll be quitting my day job to open a barber shop, but each month’s haircut I’ve given my husband has been a little less scary. I can almost say it’s fun to see if I can do better than the time before, or much to his dismay, try a little something different. But, ultimately, I’ve worked through my fear and now possess courage that can’t be taken away.
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