Want to be happier? Learn to see the cup half full rather than half empty. Count your blessings. Appreciate the positive. Retrain your brain to focus on the good. And for heaven’s sake, stop worrying.
Sounds easy, right?
In a sense, it is. Oodles of research has established that being thankful unlocks an almost magical path to happiness. In a well-documented research study titled Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life, professors Robert A. Emmons and Michael E. McCullough found that those who focused on the things for which they were grateful were happier, exercised more, and made greater progress toward their goals than those who did not.
So why don’t we just… do that?
First, we are hard-wired to identify risks. If our ancient ancestors wandered into the sunshine, appreciating the warmth on their faces without worrying about the saber-toothed tiger stalking them from the woods, you can imagine how that could end. Recognizing danger and remaining vigilant of risk has been critical to our survival as a species.
Second, we are superstitious. I was traveling to Europe with a friend who has a profound fear of flying. As we boarded, she patted the outside of the plane, much the way you would pat a beloved child on the head. Once onboard, she peeked into the cockpit and introduced herself to the pilot. Minutes later, as the plane took off, she closed her eyes and furrowed her brow.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m trying to keep the plane in the air with my mind,” she replied.
We believe we can keep bad things from happening if we follow our routines, rub our rabbit’s feet, or think really, really hard about them. We are afraid to “tempt fate” by counting our blessings or making changes.
Third, the media feeds us a constant stream of negative news and stories. In fact, some estimates show that 90% of the news we are shown is negative. Watch the news, listen to the radio, or read a newsfeed online, and it would be reasonable to believe that nothing good happens in the world. Ever.
Finally, as people, we are constantly striving for forward movement: the next promotion or the bigger house. Pretty much every single one of us would love to be richer, thinner, stronger, taller—something-er. That is not a bad thing. But it is tricky to be grateful for what you have while simultaneously striving for more. On some level, we are afraid that if we are really, truly, deeply appreciative of what we have right now, it will tamp down our ambition and our drive. We fear that if we allow ourselves to think Wow, where I am right now is fantastic. I love my house and my partner and my kids, and everything is great—you will settle. The kids will keep fighting, your husband will continue to leave his laundry in the middle of the floor, and you will never lose the extra twenty pounds of “baby weight” you’re still carrying around. For those of us with type-A tendencies and big dreams, practicing gratefulness can feel like a recipe for settling.
Despite all of this, it is possible to retrain your brain to focus on the positive and change how you navigate the world on a day-to-day, real-life basis.
Ready for the secret?
Focus on the positive and be thankful.
Yup, learning to be more thankful—and therefore learning to be happier—is largely a function of just doing it. The more you do it, the more you create the habit of looking at the glass half full and begin to retrain your brain to create new pathways to gratefulness.
How?
The simplest way—that research shows is very effective—is simply to maintain a gratitude journal in which you record something you are grateful for every day. There is no one right way to do this: you can go old school and use any kind of notebook, buy a printed “gratitude journal” with daily prompts, start a new note on your phone, or download one of the many gratitude journal apps.
But here’s the key. There is only one thing that will make this work. The part that is hard. For this to have an impact, for this practice to really begin to change your neural pathways and begin to make you happier, you must do this every day. For months. Better yet, forever.
If you are not serious about committing to becoming more grateful, appreciative, and happier, the prettiest new gratitude journal or most intuitive app will not make a difference.
But if you want to change the way you perceive the world in a manner that compelling research shows is pretty much guaranteed to make you happier, start writing down one thing you are grateful for and do it every single day.
Starting today.
More Thankful, More Happy